Sometimes you call in for financial advice and end up getting relationship counseling instead. That's what happened when Penny from New Orleans dialed into The Ramsey Show with what seemed like a straightforward question about student loan debt.
The Setup
Here's the situation: Penny has been with her boyfriend for four years. They have a 7-month-old baby together. And he won't marry her until she pays off the $30,000 Parent Loan for Undergraduate Students she took out for her 23-year-old son's college education.
Now, Penny explained that she and her son have an agreement. He makes the payments, and so far, he's been holding up his end of the deal. "Legally, yes, I'm responsible for the loan," she said. "But as far as the agreement between my son and I, he will be making the payments." The catch? Nothing's in writing.
Her boyfriend's position is that once they get married, that debt becomes his problem too. So until it's gone, no ring. Never mind that they already have a baby together.
The Hosts Weren't Having It
Co-host George Kamel jumped right in with the obvious question. "This man procreated with you before marriage, but he's like, 'Yeah, go ahead and pay that Parent PLUS loan off. I'm not going near marriage until you get that done'?"
Ken Coleman, the other co-host, went even deeper. "Do you think that this is a principled financial stand or that this is a cop-out because he doesn't want to put a ring on your finger?"
Penny insisted her boyfriend's stance was about principle, about being debt-free before marriage. The hosts weren't convinced. "I think this is a convenient principle to not marry you," Coleman said. "And you've bought it hook, line and sinker."
The Living Situation Gets Weirder
As more details emerged, the picture got stranger. The couple hasn't combined finances at all. They each own separate homes they bought before the relationship. They split costs for the baby but otherwise keep everything separate. And they only live together "some of the time."
Ken Coleman pointed out the glaring inconsistency. "He'll have a baby with you, but, oh, I'm going to stop short of actually marrying you?" George added his take: "The commitment's already happened. He just can't admit it yet."
What This Is Really About
When the hosts asked if Penny actually wants to marry this guy, she answered simply: "Correct."
That's when they shifted the conversation entirely. "This is a DTR, define the relationship, conversation," Coleman said. The loan isn't the real issue here.
The hosts advised Penny to keep some cash saved in case her son can't make the payments, but they emphasized that the boyfriend's reluctance to commit is the actual problem. "If it wasn't the debt, it'd be another thing," Kamel said. "He'd be like, 'Well, I don't like that you have your own house. Until you sell that, I'm not going to get married.' There's always going to be another reason."
It's hard to argue with that logic. You've already got the baby, the part-time cohabitation, the shared financial responsibilities. If a $30,000 loan that someone else is actively paying is the dealbreaker, maybe the real issue is that he's looking for dealbreakers.