Sometimes a good income isn't enough to save you from yourself. A 52-year-old attorney recently told the "I Will Teach You To Be Rich" podcast that she's reached a breaking point after years of watching debt pile up while her husband continues buying gadgets like there's no tomorrow.
"I don't know how much longer I can keep doing this," she said, describing how stalled habits and climbing balances have left the couple underwater despite bringing in serious money.
When $268K a Year Isn't Enough
Imani and Michael, who's 65, pull in $268,000 annually and have been married for 24 years. You'd think that income would provide some cushion, but they've managed to accumulate a jaw-dropping pile of debt: a mortgage, a home equity line of credit, a 401(k) loan, and roughly $126,000 in high-interest consumer balances. Financial coach and podcast host Ramit Sethi heard their story and identified something that goes beyond spreadsheets.
Imani tracks every dollar and feels embarrassed about how far behind they've fallen. Michael, on the other hand, admitted he spends freely on electronics and has never actually planned financially. Not once. Ever.
Sethi pointed out what's really happening here: a parent-child dynamic where one partner carries all the responsibility while the other checks out. That pattern, he explained, corrodes trust and communication over time. The couple has tried multiple budgeting systems and coaching sessions over the years, but nothing has stuck.
The Emotional Weight of Financial Avoidance
Imani said thinking about the debt makes her "want to cry and scream and fight." She's angry at Michael, and she's angry at herself for letting it get this bad.
When Sethi asked Michael if he thought he'd die with debt, his answer was blunt: avoiding that outcome "is going to be a stretch." The pressure got so intense that Imani considered walking out with her youngest son because she was simply exhausted.
Their spending conflicts play out in predictable ways. When Imani questioned a Best Buy (BBY) purchase, Michael admitted he "deflected" and gave vague promises about replacing the money later.
Sethi said the exchange was revealing. Imani steps into an investigator role while Michael responds like "a young boy." That parent-child pattern creates resentment on both sides. Michael acknowledged he rarely thinks long term, saying, "I don't think I've ever planned anything in my life."
Imani told Sethi she feels responsible for keeping their finances from collapsing entirely. She worries that Michael, already at retirement age, may not be able to stop working full-time. Carrying most of the financial load has worn her down.
How They Got Here
Michael said money was never discussed when he was growing up. He spent 20 years in the military, where housing, pay, and daily routine were all predetermined. Life had structure, even if he didn't create it himself.
After leaving the service, that structure vanished. The transition to complete freedom led to years of spending without any system. He described impulsive purchases, including buying vehicles during major life events without thinking through the consequences.
Imani's upbringing was the opposite. She grew up in a household where budgeting and saving were non-negotiable. She maintained strong financial habits until marriage, kids, and shifting work demands weakened her discipline. Combining accounts, she said, contributed to spending that felt out of control. When expenses rose, they couldn't adjust because they'd never built a system that worked for both of them.
The real question now is whether they can break the pattern before it breaks them.