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Dave Ramsey: You Can't Stop Your Mom From Making Bad Decisions, Even If It's Heartbreaking

MarketDash Editorial Team
2 hours ago
When an 80-year-old mother gambles away her Social Security checks at the casino, her son faces an impossible choice. Dave Ramsey and John Delony explain why helping isn't always helpful and how to set boundaries with someone you love who's making destructive choices.

Here's a scenario that probably hits closer to home than anyone wants to admit: What do you do when your elderly parent develops a gambling problem?

That's the question Tom from Syracuse, New York brought to "The Ramsey Show" in an emotional call just before Christmas. His 80-year-old mother blew through more than $7,000 at the casino last year. She's living on about $2,300 a month in Social Security. Tom and his family had been helping her with bills for years since his father died, but he finally drew a line and stopped.

The guilt was eating him alive. "I just have a lot of guilt as to not helping her really with her bills any longer," Tom said. He's doing fine financially, but the thought of funding her lifestyle—especially with a car purchase looming—felt impossible to stomach.

When Helping Actually Hurts

Dave Ramsey and John Delony didn't sugarcoat it. "When you assist someone in a self-destructive behavior, that is not help," Ramsey told him. "Buying a drunk a drink is not help."

Tom clarified that his mother won't go without food or shelter. He's just not willing to subsidize her casino trips. Ramsey backed him up completely. "She's a legally competent adult and so the law says she gets to do stupid stuff because stupid is not illegal yet."

It's a brutal truth. Your parent is an adult. You can't force them to make better choices, even when those choices are objectively terrible. Even when it breaks your heart.

Delony jumped in to validate what Tom was feeling. "There's no bad feelings here. You're allowed to feel guilty. You're allowed to feel mad. It's just, what are you going to do next?"

Planning For What Comes Next

The hosts pushed Tom to think beyond the immediate crisis. He needs to sit down with his wife and map out what happens when his mother's situation gets worse—because it will.

"When the day comes that she's moving into your house, which you know is going to come sooner rather than later, then you will be able to make choices for how you help and support and love her," Delony said.

Delony also floated a theory about what might really be driving the gambling. Loneliness. "You go into a casino and there's people there. People will talk to you and they'll smile to you and they'll bring you a Diet Coke," he explained. It's not about the money. It's about feeling less alone.

As for the car situation, Ramsey had a practical suggestion: keep the title in Tom's name. That way she can't turn around and sell it to fund more gambling.

The Bigger Picture on Gambling

Ramsey used the call as a launching point to talk about the explosion of gambling in America, particularly sports betting apps. He singled out platforms like FanDuel and DraftKings and their relentless advertising during live sports broadcasts.

According to Ramsey, the trend is wrecking families and causing widespread financial devastation. "Vegas hotels were built on the backs of losers," he said. "And that's what you are when you walk in there. House wins, you're a loser in so many ways."

It's hard to argue with that math. The house always wins. That's not pessimism, it's literally the business model. And now, thanks to apps on everyone's phones, the casino is wherever you are.

Tom's situation is heartbreaking, but it's not unique. Addiction doesn't care about age or Social Security checks. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is refuse to enable it, even when every fiber of your being wants to fix it for them.

Back to Stock Market News

Dave Ramsey: You Can't Stop Your Mom From Making Bad Decisions, Even If It's Heartbreaking

MarketDash Editorial Team
2 hours ago
When an 80-year-old mother gambles away her Social Security checks at the casino, her son faces an impossible choice. Dave Ramsey and John Delony explain why helping isn't always helpful and how to set boundaries with someone you love who's making destructive choices.

Here's a scenario that probably hits closer to home than anyone wants to admit: What do you do when your elderly parent develops a gambling problem?

That's the question Tom from Syracuse, New York brought to "The Ramsey Show" in an emotional call just before Christmas. His 80-year-old mother blew through more than $7,000 at the casino last year. She's living on about $2,300 a month in Social Security. Tom and his family had been helping her with bills for years since his father died, but he finally drew a line and stopped.

The guilt was eating him alive. "I just have a lot of guilt as to not helping her really with her bills any longer," Tom said. He's doing fine financially, but the thought of funding her lifestyle—especially with a car purchase looming—felt impossible to stomach.

When Helping Actually Hurts

Dave Ramsey and John Delony didn't sugarcoat it. "When you assist someone in a self-destructive behavior, that is not help," Ramsey told him. "Buying a drunk a drink is not help."

Tom clarified that his mother won't go without food or shelter. He's just not willing to subsidize her casino trips. Ramsey backed him up completely. "She's a legally competent adult and so the law says she gets to do stupid stuff because stupid is not illegal yet."

It's a brutal truth. Your parent is an adult. You can't force them to make better choices, even when those choices are objectively terrible. Even when it breaks your heart.

Delony jumped in to validate what Tom was feeling. "There's no bad feelings here. You're allowed to feel guilty. You're allowed to feel mad. It's just, what are you going to do next?"

Planning For What Comes Next

The hosts pushed Tom to think beyond the immediate crisis. He needs to sit down with his wife and map out what happens when his mother's situation gets worse—because it will.

"When the day comes that she's moving into your house, which you know is going to come sooner rather than later, then you will be able to make choices for how you help and support and love her," Delony said.

Delony also floated a theory about what might really be driving the gambling. Loneliness. "You go into a casino and there's people there. People will talk to you and they'll smile to you and they'll bring you a Diet Coke," he explained. It's not about the money. It's about feeling less alone.

As for the car situation, Ramsey had a practical suggestion: keep the title in Tom's name. That way she can't turn around and sell it to fund more gambling.

The Bigger Picture on Gambling

Ramsey used the call as a launching point to talk about the explosion of gambling in America, particularly sports betting apps. He singled out platforms like FanDuel and DraftKings and their relentless advertising during live sports broadcasts.

According to Ramsey, the trend is wrecking families and causing widespread financial devastation. "Vegas hotels were built on the backs of losers," he said. "And that's what you are when you walk in there. House wins, you're a loser in so many ways."

It's hard to argue with that math. The house always wins. That's not pessimism, it's literally the business model. And now, thanks to apps on everyone's phones, the casino is wherever you are.

Tom's situation is heartbreaking, but it's not unique. Addiction doesn't care about age or Social Security checks. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is refuse to enable it, even when every fiber of your being wants to fix it for them.