Here's a scenario that makes every parent squirm: You work your way out of debt, set up clear rules for paying for your kids' college, and then one of them decides those rules don't apply to her.

That's exactly what happened to Kinzi, a mother from Tacoma, Washington, who called into "The Ramsey Show" looking for guidance. She and her husband had climbed out of debt and made a promise to their children. They'd cover college tuition completely, no loans required, but only under specific conditions.

The deal was straightforward: live at home, attend one of the approved schools nearby, and keep your grades up. Follow those rules, and Mom and Dad handle the tuition bill. Kinzi's 21-year-old daughter had other plans. She chose Washington State University, which sits about six hours away and requires students to live on campus with a mandatory meal plan.

The Family's Financial Boundaries

Kinzi explained that she'd always been transparent with her children about money and what debt had done to their family. The live-at-home requirement wasn't arbitrary. "If you live at home, I'm not paying for other people's rent," she said. There are several colleges within 20 minutes of their house, so it's not like the options were limited.

Co-host John Deloney pointed out that the daughter's choice put her squarely outside the terms her parents had established. And that's when Dave Ramsey stepped in.

Zero Financial Support

When Kinzi started talking about student loans, Ramsey made it clear she wasn't responsible for any debt her daughter decided to take on. And whatever she does, don't sign anything.

Then Kinzi mentioned maybe helping out with groceries. Ramsey shut that down immediately. "No, no, no," he said. "She gets none of your money."

He explained that this wasn't just about this one daughter. It was about being consistent and fair between all the children. The oldest had already moved out and stopped receiving financial support, so treating this daughter differently would break that pattern.

Shifting From Parent to Advisor

Ramsey acknowledged the tricky position parents find themselves in once their kids become adults. "I can't tell them what to do anymore," he said. Once children are grown, parents need to either step back or ask permission before offering advice, and then respect whatever response they get.

Both hosts emphasized that both parents need to be on the same page with this decision. Deloney added that parents should be crystal clear with themselves about why their rules exist and be ready to explain that reasoning.

According to Ramsey, this shift changes the dynamic from authority figure to peer. "Would you like some advice from an older, wiser friend?" he suggested as the new approach.

The Real Cost of Independence

Kinzi broke down the numbers for the hosts. Choosing WSU meant her daughter would need to cover housing and food costs that weren't part of the original plan. Those expenses would run somewhere between $2,500 and $4,000 annually, money the family had never agreed to spend.

Ramsey told Kinzi that her daughter had "opted out" of the agreement by making this choice. Parents aren't obligated to fund decisions that fall outside the boundaries everyone agreed to upfront.

Then came the memorable line: "I love you too much to buy your cocaine."

It's a harsh comparison, but Ramsey's point is that enabling choices you believe are financially destructive isn't love. Sometimes holding the line is the more loving thing to do, even when it's uncomfortable for everyone involved.