Here's a modern marriage riddle: He works full-time and pays for everything. She stays home with her 10-year-old. Who should be doing the dishes?
According to a Reddit post making the rounds, this isn't a hypothetical. A husband recently asked the internet if he was being unreasonable for expecting his stay-at-home wife to handle most of the housework. His reasoning? He covers 100% of the bills.
The backstory is straightforward. The wife decided to become a stay-at-home mom—a choice the husband says he didn't entirely agree with. He thought a dual-income setup made more sense for financial stability, especially if one of them lost their job. But she told him she didn't want to "miss out" on her son's elementary years.
"She has a 10yo son and I have no kids," he explained. They've been married one year, together for three.
The tension came to a head when he overheard her venting to her sister about how he comes home and just plays video games. When he confronted her, she said she expected him to split the housework equally.
He pushed back. Beyond his full-time job, he manages all the household finances and handles every car or home maintenance task—mowing the lawn, trimming trees, fixing things when they break. In his view, that's already a pretty even split.
But his wife disagrees. She says she's overwhelmed and carrying more of the "mental load"—the invisible work of planning, scheduling, and keeping everything running smoothly. He says he feels that way too. She doesn't buy it.
What Research Says About Mental Load
There's actually some science backing her claim, at least in part. A 2024 study in the Journal of Marriage & Family found that mothers shoulder about 70% of the household's mental load. That includes meal planning, scheduling activities, managing routines, and all the behind-the-scenes orchestration that keeps a family functioning. Even when women aren't working outside the home, they often carry more of this invisible burden.
Still, the husband turned to Reddit to ask if his expectations were unreasonable. The couple has scheduled a therapy session, but he wanted outside perspectives first.
Reddit Wasn't Having It
The responses were swift and largely unsympathetic to the wife.
"Her son is in school. So what is she doing all day?" one commenter asked. Another wrote, "Calling yourself a SAHM is a bit of a stretch when your kid's in school eight hours a day."
Others were less diplomatic. "You're getting played." "This is what she married you for." "She wants to be a trophy."
Several users shared their own arrangements for comparison. One stay-at-home wife said she considers housework her responsibility because her husband works and pays the bills. Another chimed in, "It's a small thing to do to NOT have to be in corporate America anymore." A retired man whose wife still works said he handles 100% of the housework and still finds time for courses, workouts, and home repairs. "It's not hard," he added.
A few commenters suggested the wife might be bored or regretting her decision to leave the workforce. But the consensus was clear: choosing to stay home and then demanding equal labor from the partner carrying the entire financial burden doesn't quite compute.
Some urged caution. "Hope you got a prenup," one wrote. Others suggested skipping therapy altogether. "It's just another expense YOU will have to pay."